A Cautionary Tale: Do not put wood in the microwave

My best friend Barbara recently got hired at the same theatre that I work for.  We both work on the wardrobe team.

In Ashland, most of us buy our groceries at the Co-op.  I love shopping there.  You can get fresh produce and prepackaged food from local vendors.  They also cater to customers with special dietary needs like glutards and vegans, which is cool but if you're not careful, you could buy something gross, like vegan ramen noodles that taste like cardboard.

On one fatefull day, Barbara decided she wanted to try the vegan ramen noodles for lunch. No surprise to anyone ever-they were horrible.

So she'd have something to eat, I offered her a bag of popcorn.

My boss, trying to be helpful, informed Barbara that the microwave sometimes cooks a bag of popcorn unevenly.  As I left to set my costumes, the boss began assisting Barbara in finding something to put underneath the bag.

As I headed back to the wardrobe area, my nose instantly caught the distinct smell of burnt popcorn.  "Well that didn't work" I thought.

As I rounded the corner, smoke was billowing out of the wardrobe area.

I hurried my pace down the hall to the door.  Through the smoke I saw that Barbara, the boss and the microwave had disapeared. Just then my production manager came hurling down the hallway.

Production Manager: WHERE"S THE FIRE!??!

Me: Their wasn't one.  It was the microwave.

Production Manager: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

Me: Because It's not here anymore.

Production Manager:  Oh.

We began to follow the smoke down the hall to the doors. The doors to the outside break area were wide open to help the smoke dissipate.

There among the smoke,the boss, and two burnt round things; stood Barbara with the microwave.

(similar to the Les Miserables poster)

Production Manager: What happened?

Boss:We were popping popcorn and we needed to make it level so it wouldn't burn

Production Manager: mmhmmm....

Barbara: So we used coasters to balance out the bag.

Production Manager: And what were the coasters made out of?

Boss:........wood

ProductionManager: You put wood in the microwave?

Boss and Barbara: yes

We left the microwave outside to uh, air out. Barbara tried to continue get ready for her show but actors, technicians, even house staff approached Barbara wondering if the building was on fire. Once everyone's fears were settled, I asked Barbara why she put wood in the microwave.

Me: So what were you guys thinking?

Barbara: Well, I didn't think it was a good idea, but when your boss tells you to put wooden coasters in the microwave, you don't really question it.

Me: I think we've learned something today.