More blogs coming in November

I had to take a break for a hot minute for the month of October.  Too much going on to write "quality stuff.  Never fear! I will be back in November.

The best shirt ever made

Remember back in the day when everyone had this shirt?

or this one

It couldn't get any more awesome than this right? Wrong! 

What could possibly beat out howling wolves or majestic unicorns prancing in front of waterfalls?  It would have to take a shirt to end all shirts.  One that had the mystery of the moon, the magic of a unicorn and the respect inspired by the wolf.  How could mankind even dare to step up to the challenge.

Well one genius person did, and you should consider yourself lucky to be born in this lifetime just to purchase this shirt. 

When you adorn yourself with this shirt you are giving a very specific message to the rest of the world. 

People will fear and admire you as strut through the school cafeteria to pick up your tray and chocolate milk.

Need a job?  Try wearing this to your next interview.  They'd be crazy not to hire you.

Have a special day coming up?  Why not make it one to remember.

Remember, with great power comes great responsibility.  The public may not be ready for three hippo unicorns howling at the moon at first, but you just have to assure them that all change is scary at first and that they are at the dawn of a new era. 

I would have put up a picture of Michael Bolton wearing one but it would have been too much too fast.  Here's a picture of only Michael Bolton.

 He's probably wondering how he's supposed to live without a hippo shirt.

How TV and film effect my paranoia

I am a paranoid person.  Especially when it comes to things that have a slim to none chance of actually happening.

I think it all started when I was little (As most psychological problems do).  I was left alone between the time I got off the bus to the time my grandmother got off of work, a total of two hours.  Instead of spending that time doing chores or homework, I thought my time was best spent in front of the TV.  My favorite program was Unsolved Mysteries.

It's like the writers and producers would gather around a table each week and say "how can we bring Myfawny closer to the edge of insanity?" Alone in my house I would tune in for unsolved murders, missing children, ghosts, alien abductions probes and hypnotherapy, spontaneous combustion and Bigfoot.

Before the show was even halfway over, I had locked all of the doors and windows, closed the curtains so there was no possible way someone could peep in, turned every light in the house on and had a phone and frying pan by my side just in case.



By the time my poor grandmother had arrived home, I was ready for any attack!

It didn't help that my mom's favorite film genre is Horror.  How she was surprised when I told her I was afraid of the dark, I'll never know.  My fear grew even worse whenever I went camping.  My senses would be so heightened by my terror, that I would stay awake all night, listening to every sound in the woods.  I was sure that every whistle of the wind or crack of a twig was a sign of my impending doom.  Freddy, Jason and maybe even a black bear were all outside my tent, waiting for me to fall asleep.  Even the crickets became ominous. To this day, unless I am in a campground, I am a horrible camper.

Since the syndication of the popular TV show, The Walking Dead, my fear of aliens and guys wearing hockey mask has been replaced with the Zombie Apocalypse.

Just to look at this gives me the heebie jeebies. It's probably because I'm alone at home.



David and I made the mistake of watching the first season together when we'd get home at night after work. And no surprise, I'd end up staying awake half the night looking out our loft window scanning the perimeter while my husband tried to get some sleep.

 My husband flew home to see his brother graduate high school in Florida.  A day later, this story came out. Of course.

Miami Zombie eats victim's face off.

 Several other cannibalistic stories came out around the same time.  Two other "attacks" were located in Florida.  In my mind, the zombie apocalypse had started and David was right in the thick of it.  For the entire week he was gone, my internet searches were "Zombie Apocalypse" "Symptoms of bath salts" "Is anyone keeping track of the zombie reports" and so on.  I'm sure there were much more embarrassing google searches, but these are pretty accurate.  I had such difficulty sleeping by myself, that I would have to put "The Office" on at night just so I wouldn't creep myself out.

I'm sure Dwight would agree with my sentiments.

Of course, we are all still here.  My husband made it back from Florida just fine, with all of his limbs included. The Zombies are still at bay.  I now have my zombie evacuation plan on "standby". But every now and then when the news post something like zombie bees, my mind begins to drift to......

The Walking Dead Season 2 is not available yet on netflix so I can act like a normal person.  I am currently watching are The Legend of Korra, Top Gear, My Little Ponies and Battlestar Galactica.  I'm sure I'll be able to find some way to freak myself out.

5 Reasons to love Fall

5 Reasons to love Fall

1) Kids go back to school.  Finally, some alone time for the stay at home moms.

2)Jumping in leaves.  Just make sure you take out the sticks.

3)Halloween.  I love Halloween.  I used to work at a theme park that had a month long celebration of the holiday called Spooky Train.  It kinda looked like this.

4) Everything becomes pumpkin flavored.

5) And of course, my doggies favorite holiday, Thanksgiving

So happy it's Fall.  Just thought I'd share.

My nicknames over the years.No pics this time but a pretty good blog

So I figured that since I've been telling you all funny stories about my friends and coworkers that I would own up to a soft spot in my life, the nicknames I've been Christened with over the years. My name is Myfawny, pronounced My fun ee, so you can imagine the gems people have come up with.  Match that up with me being extremely shy and sensitive when I was younger and you've got a plethora of dear diary entries.

Here they are with the name and the origin

Muffin:  I pretty sure my dad started this one.  I've had a love-hate relationship the nick name.  I didn't mind it so much at first.  A yummy pastry that had a cute ring to it.  It wasn't until middle school when I, was thrown into the jungle of  insecurity and puberty central, also known as any middle school ever that I found out it's other meaning from 13 year old boys who would like to remind me any chance they got.

Myfanny: The day I wish never existed-the first day of school. That is the worst for people with unusual names.  Imagine if you will, sitting in class with kids you may or may not know, or care to know and the teacher is going through the role book, Ashley, Brandon, Carla, Devon, Ellie, Fiona, Greg, Hannah, Issac, Jacob, Kelly, Lisa, M. Mmm. Mmmmyfanny.
And the classroom explodes with laughter.
Kids:Ha, ha the teacher said Myfanny.
Me:Yes, yes, but that's not my name it's Myfawny. My fun ee      
Teacher: Like the song My funny Valentine
 Me: Oh God, make it stop!

My funny valentine: Yes from one of those fateful days when the teacher called my name wrong and I corrected her and she thought she'd fix it by singing it as dramatically as she can.  "You're a science teacher, not a lounge singer!" Well, at least that's what I wanted to yell but was afraid of getting sent to the principals office.  I really don't mind this one at all now.  I actually use it as a tool to help people when first pronouncing my name.

Mofia: Don't ask. This person obviously wasn't listening to me at all.

Muffalitas: A variation of muffin.  Apparently it is a type of breakfast sandwich at a restaurant in North Carolina that my old boss likes to frequent.

Moofies: Also from the same boss

Meriffany: A very sassy Spanish teacher of mine gave me this one.

Fawn: one of my best friends in high school gave me this one.  It had nothing to do with butts or breakfast so I graciously accepted.

Myfie: The name my grandmother calls me to this day.  No one else is allowed to use this one or I will hunt them down like a boss.

My: One of my actors in one of my shows started calling me this.  This is cool too.

I used to hate my name.  I would beg my mom if I could change it to Ashley or Stephanie or something I deemed as "normal".  Now I wouldn't change it for the world. Nicknames or not, I love and embrace my name and I'm glad it is as unique as I am.         

But seriously, if you call me anything "butt" based, I will still kill you.

Love,
Myfawny   

No blog for today but look, I drew you a lumberjack corgi

<a href="http://www.hypersmash.com">HyperSmash.com</a>

Why hasn't Jurassic Park happened yet?

When is Jurassic Park going to really happen?  I know all you nay-sayers out there are going to use your "logic" against me but I can't stop thinking about how awesome it would be.

I really love dinosaurs. Forget cloning sheep or making robots that will one day take over mankind.

Dinosaurs are cold blooded so the could definitely survive global warming.

 They also have very small brains so the chances are less likely that they will take over mankind.

Dinosaurs are very good dancers.  Although they only know one song.

They love to be helpful.

Such as providing shade

And scaring off intruders

They are huge fans of the arts and sciences

Probably the most provoking argument

Everyone deserves a second chance, even dinos.  Come on,look at those little arms

Tai and the shrimp and sauce

My first job was at a Japanese Restaurant in North Carolina.They served dishes such as Teryaki Chicken and Hibachi steak.  The food was really good but the secret to it's success was the yum yum sauce.  For those of you not lucky enough to know, yum yum sauce or shrimp sauce as we called it; is a light pink mayonnaise based sauce that is usually served at Japanese restaurants in the southern US. It was so good in fact, that it makes it difficult for me to eat fried rice anywhere else. Working there was great; a mile from the house, free food, closed at a decent hour, and they cursed in their native tongue so whenever they yelled at you, it didn't seem so bad. (the cooks seemed to enjoy it though)

Tai was one of my bosses.  She is from Vietnam.  Everyone in North Carolina thought I was her grand daughter though I don't look even remotely Vietnamese. Tai wasn't very fluent in English but her expressions were enough.

Tai had a way with animals.  She had a pet chicken that she brought to work with her.  It couldn't stay inside so she tied it to a blade of grass out by the dumpster.

When her pet Oscar fish died, she ate him.

One night when we were especially busy, we ran out of shrimp sauce.  To serve our entrees without it would cause a riot.

Tai went to the cooler where we stored the sauce.  Unfortunately, before we separate it into single servings, the sauce is kept in 100 gallon bins.  Seeing as we were all busy, Tai decided not to ask for assistance getting the bin out of the cooler.  She had pushed the sauce all the way to the end of the cooler until she had reached the ramp.  Tai, not being the kind of person that lets stupid ramps get in her way came to the conclusion that she could get the 100 gallon bin out by herself.  As she began to work the bin down the ramp, the weight of the bin became too much for Tai and the sauce slipped from her grip.

The shrimp sauce fell to the ground with a giant thud and it's oily contents poured all over the floor. The kitchen staff and I heard Tai's cries and we went to see if she was okay.  The entire back of the restaurant was now flooded with the sauce. It was impossible to stand, resulting in Benny Hill like antics.

Just because there was shrimp sauce on the floor and all over us, didn't mean that the customers went away.  We had to continue serving the customers as well as help Tai clean up the mess.

She learned two new English words that day: help, please

I need to be famous by yesterday

Their are a lot of famous people out there, making crazy amounts of moola.  Living plush lives with centaur carriages, tiger servants and Pegasi sharks.

Yeah, that's the stuff!

But how does someone acquire fame?

Let me level with you, I'm like most of you, not wealthy.  That's okay I guess. I mean, every girl dreams of the day when they will have a centaur carriage.  I have tried many avenues to try and become filthy rich and famous (all of them legal, thank you) but none of them have worked.  I mean, I do some pretty awesome things.

For instance:

I can magically cure hiccups.

I'm good at problem solving

I'm also an entrepreneur.

If these people are famous,why can't I be?

Never mind, I guess things could be worse.